Here are some funny things that Kenyans ask/say:

“Running will cure the cold that you have entirely.”

“I am scared of snakes because they are all poisonous and are the witchdoctor’s slaves.”

“If you go at it with many women, your *mm* will grow long and mighty.”

Kenyan: Have you met so and so? S/he was here X years ago and s/he is American! Me: No. Kenyan: What?! But you’re American too! Me: Have you met the Kenyan Secretary of Education? He’s Kenyan. Kenyan: Uh no, Kenya’s a big country… Me: Exactly. America is 10 times the size of Kenya, if not bigger. Kenyan: Oh… but you’re American….

“Teacher, I have cramps.” after having ran and not drinking anything in three days.

“Warm water will make me lose weight, right?”

“America must be flat because Americans are so fat! Right… right?”

May really has flown by. I cannot believe it’s the last week of May already. This has been the fastest month during my time in Kenya.

This weekend, I decided to go to Maua for a day to celebrate Clare and Rohan’s birthdays. I woke up at 7 o clock on Saturday morning with the intention of leaving the house at 9 o clock. Instead, I left at 10:30 in accordance to the Kenyan culture of being tardy. A bit scary as I notice small changes within myself as I incorporate more Kenyan cultural traits into my everyday life. On the other hand, this was not a time that was prearranged with anyone and thus I was free to delay myself a little. I’m still on time, if not early, for my lessons. I tend to draw the lessons on longer than the 35 minutes. Whether that’s the Deaf or Kenyan culture or just me and my wanting to share all the information possible with the children, I don’t know. At the matatu stage, I was greeted by the familiar shouts of the touts trying to draw me to their vehicles. As usual, I coldly walked past them all. If you so much look at or smile at any of the touts, it almost guarantees that they will grab any part of you to drag back to the vehicle. I learned that lesson quickly. I zigzagged through the crowd and myriad of matatus that always strangely remind me of beetles, aiming for one that had a MERU-MAUA sign resting on top. I found one and angled my path 15 degrees to the right, towards the car but as soon as I changed my path, I noticed another that advertised itself as direct for the same price. Again, I altered my path 40 degrees to the left but the damage was done. The tout from the first car I headed for broke out in a run towards me as the tout from the second car briskly walked towards me. The first tout arrived first and grabbed the bag I was holding clean out of my hands. The second tout had arrived by then and they engaged into a sort of shouting match in Kiswahili over who had right over the mzungu. (I had no idea what they were saying but in my defense, I heard mzungu more than enough times.) I firmly grabbed my bag back and walked to the matatu going direct with both touts in tow. The first tout had his mouth half open as I boarded the matatu and began to fume. I started laughing about the incident about five minutes later. They say that people who are able to laugh at themselves are sane. Or is it insane? On the trip to Maua, which means flower in Kiswahili by the way, I fell into deep thoughts, something that has become sort of a habit anytime I travel in Kenya. I thought about the usual things: everything at home, how I can improve myself and the situation at my school, and the future. I notice that I focus less on the past and the future and more on the present than I did back in the States. I realize that the present becomes past before we even realize it so how can I pinpoint what is the present. I believe we each have our own definitions of what past, present, and future means and it changes day to day at times. During that one hour period for me, the past was anything prior to 4 months ago and the future is anything further than 4 months from now. That’s not to say that I don’t think about you, family and friends. You come across my minds during a different and more frequent time. Maua. It really does deserve the name it was given. The main town is nestled in between two peaks that are part of the Nyambeni Hills. The peaks are covered with tea and miraa plantations and is peppered with palm trees swaying peacefully. In case I didn’t explain before, miraa is considered a cash crop in Kenya. Miraa takes the form of a young twig that is plucked off the tops of strange gnarled trees. It is also considered a drug that has effects similar to that of cocaine. One must chew, and swallow, for at least two hours before feeling any effects. Despite the trees being gnarled, they look quite beautiful among the palms and the sun shining through the clouds. I exited the matatu and was greeted by waves of quarter-sized butterflies ranging from earth-brown to pollen-yellow. No butterfly migration or whatever phenomenon it was occured in Meru. I met up with Mark, a PCV that lives just outside of Maua town at the Posta and we headed over to the Maua Methodist Hospital where I would enter the famed apartment of Jill’s. An apartment. I pictured the apartment I had seen at Mary’s in Mtwapa. Definitely nice but Jill’s takes the prize. Upon entering the apartment, my eyes bulged. A large living room, slightly bigger than mine, with a sitting room half the size of the living room connecting to the kitchen with an oven among other accessories like a blender. Two bedrooms and a separate toilet and shower. I was in awe. Enough about that. We greeted Clare and her father, Tom and headed out to Equata, which is an American-owned resturant. The decor and landscaping there was stunning with crawling vines, a plethora of flowers, and a river running straight through the entire resturant with a bridge offering access to the outdoor dining areas. The menu was mouth-watering but had a very limited vegetarian selection. I ordered veggie samosas and a Mozzerella salad. Everything was delicious but let me just say my body physically misses the taste of fresh, real mozzerella cheese. The kind that’s still sitting in liquid. The cheese I had in with the salad wasn’t as soft and reeked of.. feet. Clare’s father generously paid for the entire bill. Big smiles all around! We played a round of Monopoly followed by loads of fun cooking Mexican for dinner. Makeshift margaritas were involved causing me to strangely feel as if I could open the window and see Los Angeles with a bustle of traffic and activity. I made the trip back to Meru asleep most of the way, a big change from my usual behaviour of being awake and alert on matatus when traveling alone. In the moments where I skimmed the surface of being conscious, I could feel myself having my head back with my mouth hanging wide open. I wonder what the Kenyans thought, haha. Do you know that feeling of waking up one minute before the alarm goes off? I had that feeling when I woke up at the exact moment the matatu started to stop at the side of the road. I woke up completely confused but I slowly grasped the situation. The tout and driver had abandoned the vehicle to get another one for gasoline was leaking through the front left tire. I stood for a bit, watching the gasoline leak. (Stupid. What if the car had exploded.) After a while, I started to take in my surroundings and I realized that I was near the Kenya Methodist University (KEMU), which is about a 20 minute walk away from home. One foot in front of the other on the side of the Meru-Maua road as my mind tried to wake itself up. Over a bridge, past the fields of arrowroot, past the Olive Retreat for the wealthy and uphill towards Kaaga. A car pulled up behind me and I was greeted by my neighbors whom were offering me a ride. I beamed, inside and outside. When we returned to Kaaga School for the Deaf, I could not have felt any more at home than I did at that moment. It almost felt magical with the light of the setting sun. I spent the night with the students in the dining hall. I decided to put on a DVD I got from the Peace Corps titled ‘My Constitution’ which is basically an overview of sections of the New Constitution that affect the Deaf directly. The entire DVD is dramatized and is in Kenyan Sign. I was unsure whether the children would enjoy such a thing, especially with its political nature but the children were mesmerized. I could hardly shake one’s eyes off the television when I wanted to share an opinion with him. This filled me with happiness to see the children finally see something on the televison that they could understand as opposed to the usual programs. Americans, consider yourselves very fortunate for you enjoy the benefits of Closed Captioning. I woke up this morning to a picture of Kristina Iancului and her long-time boyfriend Jason. At first, I didn’t notice anything unusual except for Kristina’s blonde hair, which I’m not used to seeing. Her hands were in an unusual pose, though. A ring. OH SHIT! They’re engaged. I was lying in bed for a good ten minutes in shock. I have known Kristina since we were two years old and we’ve practically grown up with eachother. Time doesn’t stop, even for a friend who’s in Kenya away from the entire life he’s known. Congratulations Kristina. May you be blessed with happiness prosperity. I can’t help but wonder if there’ll be any more of my friends getting engaged for Kristina’s engagement is the second during my time here. (MarloJo Lovitch’s was the first.) Now, I must return to the campus. My lunch break is over. Much love to you, you all know who you are.